Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
