don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
