He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
