Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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