i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
