So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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