How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
