so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
