Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
