It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
