none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
