so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
