so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
