Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
