Your mouth is God's brothel.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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