Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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