I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
