those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
