did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
