i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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