Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Randomize
