You're so nebulous sometimes
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize