I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
