you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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