I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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