Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize