Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
