I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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