i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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