I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Alive.
So much puke
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
