You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
