i'm signing you up for texting rehab
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
