Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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