I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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