i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
