I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
