a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
