if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
