i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
