Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
