I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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