if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Couch. On fire.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
