If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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