she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
