he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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