My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
