do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i wish my penis had a tongue
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
