You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
