Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
