Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
