yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
