This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
