Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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