I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i think im in europe. pls send help
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
