I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
