I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize