dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
