Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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