He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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