How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
