My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
