Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
