like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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