I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
