party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
