I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
