saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
