so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
