i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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