I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
