I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
there is glitter all over my balls
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
