I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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