'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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