I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
