my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
