i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
