FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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