Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
