the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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