I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
