he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
