the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize