No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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