I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
