as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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