i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
