i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
