When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
