True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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