Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
