I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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