just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
