i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
