i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
