I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
