Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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