u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
