If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
