Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize