9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
