some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
