i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
