I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
