what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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