if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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