JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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