I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
