Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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