Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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