Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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