Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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