This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
