tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize