so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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