I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
