Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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