I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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